He drank a swig straight from the bottle. That was his best rum, an artisanal product he got in Jamaica. After that he lit one of his cheap cigarettes, one of the same he smoked since he was seventeen. He was thinking of quit on them but now it didn’t matter, did it?
He had been lying next to the window where he could see the stars, were they brighter or the sky was clearer? Well, in any case he felt grateful.
Again took a swig of rum ‘This goes in your honor, you damn bitch’ said aloud to no one, the apartment was empty and he had thrown the phone to the toilet, he was speaking to life itself, that bitch that snatched gradually everything he ever loved leaving him empty and alone at mercy of a greedy world that every day demanded a part of his soul to satisfy a crowd that just saw in him an idol, an attractive face to acclaim but not a human with feelings, aspirations, wishes or fears ‘Well, screw you all’ said to the emptiness as he finished the cigarette.
He was going to rest, finally. All the misery, anguish, rage, loneliness and sadness would have an end… Thinking of that made him feel a serenity that believed forgotten, though probably that strange calm was just caused by the lethal dose of narcotics that he had consumed and was slowly taking effect.
Soon he would go to sleep forever.
He was still thinking on the drugs running through his veins when noticed that something, rather someone had enter the apartment through the balcony of the terrace. Even in his increasingly drowsy state, knew that it was at least extraordinary since the apartment was on the top floor of a fifty level building.
However, he remained lying on the floor next to the window and decided lo lit another cigarette, its taste and particular smell reminded of that faraway place where he was so happy so many time ago, reminded him of the time when everything had sense and knew what to live for. He’d have forgotten where he actually was and what was happening if he wouldn’t feel so clearly that intrusive presence that kept hiding in the shadows contemplating him with the intention to go unnoticed.
Took a drag on his cigarette, blew the smoke with astonishing grace and smiled surprised on himself, his curiosity prevailed even on a time like that.
“You can stay here as much as you want” –his voice sound clearer than he thought- “However, I’m dying and my soul will not have rest if you don’t tell me who you are and how the hell you managed to enter through the balcony of a god damn apartment on the top floor of a tower. Who are you? Spiderman? A Vampire? Another kind of supernatural creature? ‘Cos, you know, I’ll lie happy on my grave if one the great mysteries of human kind is revealed to me.”
He laughed at his own humor, who would’ve thought? The presence also seemed to find it hilarious and began to laugh too. It was a crystalline laughter, the laughter of a young woman… However she remained in shadows.
“Come on honey, you can trust me I’ll take your secret to the grave, I don’t have too much time left and I won’t call anyone telling that a fairy came to see how I step into the otherside. So, please sweetheart, grant me this last wish, I’m an annoyingly curious asshole.”
In fact he didn’t mind too much if the mysterious intruder decided to show herself but a part of him would feel frustrated if she didn’t and somehow feared that curiosity made of him a ghost after dying… Were ghosts real? There was really an otherside? Well, he’d found out soon.
Another swig of rum and another drag on his cigarette.
Then she approached the window and that made her visible. For a moment, his heart thudded recognizing in her the features of the woman who had been his joy and his muse, the woman he had lost… but no, the intruder was not her, the woman in front of him had a skin that somehow seemed to glow, long straight black hair and her smile divined something… a mixture of pity, sarcasm and mockery that gave a cynical gesture to her face. His woman would never seemed so inhuman.
“So I must assume you’re a Vampire?” he said looking at her black leather jacket, black jeans, boots and her Pantera t-shirt.
She didn’t answer, instead she took a cigarette, lit it and glanced into the starry sky as the smoke was released through her mouth.
“No doubt, you’re a dreamer eternally in loved with the unattainable beauty of the night. Your view is impressive… No dear, I’m no Vampire, you must have read lots of bullshit”
“Then how…?”
“I climbed, it’s something like parkour… for people like me is such an easy thing”
“What do you mean by people like you?”
“I suffer this… really strange condition that gives me certain skills and sharpen my senses. I live in the opposite building, it’s not this tall and my view is not this good but usually it is fine… I was very lucky I could heard you playing when you came here and… I heard what you were planning to do and… I guess I couldn’t stand the idea of leave you alone… I can go immediately if that’s what you want…”
“Wait, what kind of condition gives you super powers? I could have use that instead of the cancer that finally drove me crazy”
“Oh, you’re not crazy, you’re just into so much pain. I can’t judge you by the decision you’ve made”
“Thank you” he said sincerely.
“You don’t have to, I’m just a really loyal fan”
When she said that, he could notice that there were tears flooding her eyes. Her cynicism collapsed. Now she was so alike…
“What’s your name?”
“Sasha”
“Well dear, you should’ve come to visit me before, I would’ve loved to play something for you but now… my hands… all me… Agh, I’m starting to feel so sleepy, I guess it’s just the perks of imminent death”
“Holy shit, you’re really an asshole”
Sasha tried to laugh but instead she sob. Tears left black traces in her pretty face.
“Are you really so sad because of me?”
“Of course I am! You were a really good friend, trip partner, you composed the soundtrack of some of my fights and you made me company in some of the worst moments of my life… And… you didn’t even know I existed, you just needed the music… and yourself. You mean a lot to me”
He couldn’t reply that, instead he said:
“I wouldn’t mind if you stay with me ‘till the end”
“I won’t go then”
“Oh dear, you’re delicious. I’m really sorry we didn’t met in other circumstances. Can I tell you something? I’m saying this as a compliment. You’re identical to Anna”
“Who’s Anna?”
“Oh, you don’t read the gossip bullshit they write about me every day. Anna’s issue came to light not long ago and quickly became one of my scandals. Anna was my woman. She died four years ago.”
Sasha’s green eyes darken when he said that.
“I mean, you two look very alike and for me she was the most beautiful woman on earth, besides she was an angel on leather disguise. You really look like her”
“I think I need a swig of that rum” she said taking the bottle.
“Be my guest”
As he did, she pour the liquid into her mouth straight from the bottle. Then he could see the piercing in the girl’s lip. That metal piece gave her mouth an unusual sensuality.
“Damn… Can I ask you for something?”
“Anything you want”
“Would you kiss me?”
Resolved, she leaned over, put her arms around his neck and put her lips over his. Before realizing it, their tongues danced to one another. Sasha’s taste was minty, rum, cinnamon and some kind of sweet he couldn’t identify. When the kiss was broken, the eyes of his extraordinary intruder were shinning.
“Thank you dear, you’ve been too kind to this dying man”
“It’s me who’s grateful, you’ve gave me a once in a lifetime experience”
“Oh, you have a wrong idea of me, I’m just a jerk”
“You never got it, did you? To me and to many other people you were more than the eccentric and handsome Hexherz’ guitarist, you were a great human being and this fucking world will become darker when you leave”
“You really mean it?”
“With heart and soul”
Again he wanted to say something but suddenly his eyelids became heavy and his vision blurred, however he could feel how Sasha sat at his side.
He thought of Anna and how much she would have get angry if she had seen him and Sasha lying like that. Anna was possessive and insecure, but she knew that for him there was no other woman but her. While they were together he didn’t fail, not even once. To him, his muse was everything, his soulmate, his life companion. How things would have been different if only she would’ve waited for him that terrible night! The car accident… That changed everything, stopped life itself… Everything from that point was confusing to him. The band, the gigs, music, music, music and more music… photo sessions, interviews, commercials… booze, smoke, amphetamines to get into rhythm… and darkness, despair, loneliness…
He was just lost without Anna, how long he could keep going? One, two, three years… Then cancer was diagnosed and they persuade him to take the treatment… But pain was so unbearable and only on drugs he could calm… although that meant losing coordination and with it the music… He couldn’t live without music… but he couldn’t live with pain either… He tried to stay strong for a few months but finally succumbed and got the drugs that soon would take his misery away.
“I think all’s about to end… Sasha, would you mind to sing for me?”
He said that without thinking, his own voice seemed unfamiliar but he really wanted some music…
What is pain compared to grief? What joy comes from pain? I’ve missed sunset’s worth making yesterday tomorrow and keep silence before every tear’s been cried
For you… just for you I would bring down heaven on this earth For you… just for you I would trust the devil to see you rebirth
For every road paved with gold I’ve got my heart filled with sorrow trying to forget every story told Will we meet each other again? I desperately want to believe that
For you… just for you I would bring down heaven on this earth For you… just for you I would trust the devil to see you rebirth
He recognized the song, his song, the one he wrote for Anna a month after the funeral. Sasha knew it perfectly… He heard her crying far away from where he was…
“Zyklischen Chimare… That’s how we call ourselves… the people like me transform into fearsome beasts… We are like werewolves, real werewolves… Mystery solved”
“Wow… that’s great. Thank you”
After that he would’ve liked to smile but he was falling deeper and deeper into a peaceful darkness.
“You may rest now, sweet prince. Everything’s fine”
And it was.
Have you ever wanted to say or to write something just because? Well, that’s the case with this story, it’s just a because story… I wanted to write because I wasn’t feeling good, I wanted to write something sweet but sad at the same time… and use it later for one of my larger stories. It’s just a because story… that someone, somewhere, may get and hopefully, will help to understand how important is its presence in this rotten world. This is a little gift for you, this story tells everything a message just can’t tell.
Sweet dreams.
Mi Templo del Pensamiento 